Why, you might wonder, is it important in business to ask good questions? Here’s why. If you don’t, you won’t be able to understand a client’s needs, an employee’s difficulties, or a boss’s demands. Asking good questions also gets people to open their minds and think more creatively.
You might remember teachers who asked a lot of questions, mostly irrelevant, wandering off topic, never able to get to the essence of the lesson. At the end of the class very little progress was made, and you were left wondering what you had learned that day.
A while back, a well-respected businesswoman who was a mentor of mine shared the following advice — if you want to be successful in business, you have to be like a skilled teacher who is able to ask the right questions. I also learned from her that, although asking good questions might seem really easy, it isn’t. It can take several years of practice before you are good at asking the right questions.
Asking good questions is not an abstract idea though. There are concrete steps you can take to hone your skill. The helpful thing is, most people like to talk about themselves and the work they do. So if you learn how to ask good questions, you’ll find that you are able to gain critical insights that are key to doing business.
1. Focus: Decide in advance what you hope to achieve with your questions. Focusing will help you eliminate unnecessary questions.
2. Prepare: Write out the questions you want to ask, in advance. Make sure every question relates to the idea/topic on which you are focusing. Put these questions in a logical sequence. Even if you end up deviating at times from your question list, it will give you a road map to follow.
3. Practice: Rehearse by saying the questions out loud, to yourself. You’ll find that in the actual interview situation you will barely have to refer to your notes.
4. Ask open-ended questions: Avoid questions that can be answered by “yes” or “no.” To do this, ask questions beginning with the “five Ws”: Who, what, when, where, why (and one “H,” how). For example, instead of asking, “Do you feel the project was a success?” ask, “What is it about the project that worked?”
5. Be direct: Ask only one question at a time. Otherwise, you run the risk of causing confusion or getting a partial response. For example, instead of asking, “Why was the project a success and what didn’t work and how do you think you will apply the lessons you learned to future projects?” ask, “Why was the project a success?” “What didn’t work?” “How do you think you will apply the lessons you learned to future projects?”
6. Ask empowering questions: As I said earlier, most people like to talk about themselves and the work that they do. So ask questions that allow them to reflect on their own experience and share it with you. For example, “Based on your experience, what are your recommendations?”
7. Ask for clarification: If you don’t understand a response, ask a follow up probing question. For example, “Can you tell me more about that?”
There is one other point I want to make about asking good questions that isn’t about the kind of questions you ask. In fact, it’s not about speaking at all, just the opposite — it’s about listening. Being a good listener means that you will be able to ask questions that deviate from your plan, when needed. Besides, people open up to good listeners. And when they open up, they give you all the answers you want — and more.
What are your tips for asking good questions? Contact me, Sandra Folk, at info@thelanguagelab.ca to let us know.
For a show “about nothing,” Seinfeld had a lot to teach us, including the importance of nonverbal communication. Not sure what I’m talking about? Watch this.
That “wink episode” from Seinfeld probably gave you a good laugh, but it also points to something very true about any kind of communication, including business communication: facial mannerisms have a huge impact on the success of our interaction with others.
And not just facial mannerisms, but other nonverbal cues as well, from posture to body tension to eye contact.
Photo taken by Kris Krug
Of course in a TV show like Seinfeld the nonverbal communication is exaggerated for the sake of comedy. But in real life we are constantly reacting to more subtle forms of nonverbal communication, sometimes without even knowing it.
I always remember the day a new colleague at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, where I teach, told me she assumed I was a “big cheese” simply because of the way I walked. I’m tall, and I suppose I do have a purposeful way of walking, even if it is often because I’m in a hurry! But she interpreted that purposeful walk as self-confidence, and therefore as an indication of confidence and power.
While it’s impossible to say precisely how much of our communication is nonverbal, (although in another Seinfeld episode Kramer tells Seinfeld that “ninety-four percent of our communication is nonverbal”) according to The Anthropology of Language: An Introduction to Linguistic Anthropology, by Harriet Joseph Ottenheimer “well over 60 percent of our messages get across nonverbally.”
How does this play out in business communication? Think of someone you know who always slumps at his desk, or looks away when you talk to him. Most likely he’s not someone who fills you with confidence. On the other side of the coin, maybe you sometimes find yourself slumped at your desk, or avoid looking people in the eye. Either way it’s important to cultivate self-awareness of one’s own nonverbal communication habits. Here are some tips to always keep in mind.
The Language Labs Top Tips for Strong Nonverbal Communication
Stand tall: And sit tall too, even when you feel tired. It will help you convey a sense of confidence, which in turn helps you to be taken seriously.
An eye for an eye: Tell yourself to make eye contact in every face-to-face business conversation. It’s amazing how the brain can make the body do something it doesn’t naturally want to do.
Act “as if”: Even if you are not feeling confident, make sure your body language does not reflect your uncertainty. You might think about things such as keeping your hands and shoulders relaxed, or simply smiling at people.
Mirror image: Imagine, from the comfort of your own home, that you are in a critical meeting, answering a question. Look at yourself in the mirror as you frame your response. Better still, have a trusted friend video a mock presentation — the camera truly does not lie. Use your own critical faculties to evaluate your nonverbal communication, and improve upon it.
Always remember that your body language — the way you move, listen, react — will influence whether or not others want to work with you, and how well you can convince people of your ideas. You don’t have to become a professional actor to change your nonverbal communication; but you do have to become more self-aware. For instance, avoid any larger-than-life winks that might possibly be misinterpreted!
Have you ever responded positively (or negatively) to someone because of their nonverbal communication? Email your story to info@thelanguagelab.
My wife and I had our first baby just five months ago. It’s completely changed our lives. It’s wonderful, incredible, and joyous… and at times stressful, tiring and frustrating.
And little Nate cries quite a bit and quite loudly too.
His crying lets us know that he’s unhappy, uncomfortable, or afraid, or that he wants something.
But we really don’t know which of these, needs, let alone what specifically would comfort him, would make him happy and allow him to sleep. Trust me, I’ve tried asking him many times! But he just doesn’t answer. I don’t know what he wants, and he probably doesn’t get why I’m not better at helping him. You see, we don’t speak the same language and that creates a huge breakdown in communication. Not only does it create a breakdown, but both of our needs go unmet and our wants go unrealized – a common situation that can easily affect us in our business.
As you know, there are certain expectations all of us want from our business:
•get more clients
•charge higher fees
•grow our reputation
•service our clients better
•better train, manage and leverage our staff
•create stronger partner relationships
•and build an incredible business
…just to name a few.
To achieve these expectations, there is an important skill you need to master: Effective Communication. And for me, ”Communication creates shared reality.” This is a definition I learned in college that has always guided me well.
Think about it for a moment… If I can’t communicate to you what I’m thinking, I’m in my own reality. And if you can’t communicate to me what you’re thinking, your experiences and thoughts are truly your own as well. We might be occupying common space, but without being able to communicate we are in completely different worlds. There is no basis for sharing common thought; thus, no basis for common existence.
So how does this fit with business? If you want to conduct or gain business, you need to create a shared reality. How can you market to someone and get your message through to her/him, if you don’t speak the same language? And I don’t mean literally speaking a language other than your own native tongue. I mean speaking in a way that demonstrates you understand the phrases and words your clients, prospective clients, employees, marketing partners and others use. And just as importantly, so they understand you.
For example, last week I worked with a web designer client to develop a signature talk that could be delivered to different groups in his target market. To make his presentation effective and resonate, it was important that we identified his prospects’ pain points, problems and challenges. But we needed to use their words, not his, so he could connect with them, teach them and help them learn how to promote their ideas.
For the social networking promotion piece written for a realtor client’s newsletter, and for her networking event, she was promoting on her Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter accounts, it was important that the subtleties of each word or phrase we used determined which ones we chose over another. These words needed to create a shared reality with her readers. These were words that would draw out their commons goals, entice them to attend the event and frame it so they felt they would get the most out of it.
For my chiropractor client who was working on interviewing candidates for an office manager position, we needed to evaluate his communication style, words and body language, and those of the candidates. We needed to ensure that their answers contained the skills and experiences he sought, but also to find out if the way they conducted themselves matched the way they responded to his interview questions.
As I noted earlier, communication is key to creating understanding through a shared reality. Always consider its impact. And be sure to practice doing it. Work with a professional to really hone and refine your skills for maximum effectiveness.
Like little baby Nate, who is getting better at telling us what he’s thinking with certain grunts and facial expressions, we’re still practicing and learning each other’s languages. With this practice, we know it won’t be long until we really understand each other.
The Language Lab Guest Blogger: Jason Rosado coaches small business owners to get more clients, work less hours and make a great living while fulfilling their personal mission of service. He is a prolific and sought-after speaker in the areas of sales, marketing, leadership and business development. For more advice and free resources, visit Distinctive Coaching for Small Business Success to achieve your ideal business.
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